Celibacy
A poem I wrote a while ago
I miss you
Because the feeling was like a drug
A fucking miserable drug but
A drug. I miss the drug
I might miss you less but
It doesn’t stop me wondering
Do you think about me ever
Often, at all? I will be ok
If I know you do and it wasn’t
As nothing as it seems.
Have you seen it? Have you, have you?
She never has, she never will
Death by brain by roundabout
Out of control my need for her
To look at me, to see me, know me
Desperation, know me
Lacking, emotional, know me
Too much for you, know me
Connecting the dots, know me
Withering because you can’t know me
Know me
They will talk to me and I will agree and I will feel dreadfully seen
Lucky to be known so well
But so empty still, so pulverized
Fuck it all that I long, want and think I know
Literally fuck it all I’m so done now
Done done done